The Fallen
by Isaella Marie Cullen
Summary: Esme. Esme had given birth to her beautiful son William, but William had died soon after. The pain and hate she feels, helps her to make a decision, her final decision. R&R.


**_Read to by Isaella, Typed by Karen. Isaella's sister._**

I looked up, the curtains had blown open, and I caught a momentary view of the sky. It was a dark gray, yet tinged with blue at the oncoming night. The sun was gone. Not even a hint of it shown through the cloud cover, blanketing me in darkness.

The sun was gone. My son was gone.

The doctors had convinced me there was nothing to be worried about. Yet, when his tiny, soft hand grasped my finger - as if telling me, he didn't want to die - his breathing raspy, as he gasped to hold onto life; I knew his time was slowly seeping away. Like an hourglass with little sand to run out.

I held him in my arms, even when I heard his last intake of breath.

They wanted to take him away. Take MY son away.

I wouldn't hear of it. I rocked him in the rocking chair, singing him to sleep.

Their words meant nothing to me. My son, dead? No, my son had inherited Charles's strong grip, the will to survive. He couldn't be dead.

People from the hospital, stared at me in pity, shaking their heads; and whispering behind their hands.

A man I didn't know came to my side, and told me he needed to take William to the nursery, where he would be able to sleep properly. I gently placed my son in the man's arms. Lovingly waving goodbye.

Another man, who I recognized as the man who helped mo to give birth to my son, took me by the hand and said, "I am so sorry miss, but your son is dead."

I laughed, stupid man. Didn't he see? I was just holding him nearly ten minutes ago. "No sir, he is in the nursery, your man just took him there." I said, slowly as the man could catch every word.

"No, I am truly sorry, but your son, William, died of a lung infection, not two hours ago."

I looked at him in shock.

"Where's my son?" I had asked, my voice becoming a frightened whisper.

"I-" He said, shrugging his shoulders.

I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled his face toward mine, till we were nearly nose to nose.

"Where's my son?" I said, my voice holding a hint of hysteria.

Doctors passing the room, saw my act of violence, and caught me by the arms, practically carrying me out of the room.

"Where's my son?" I screamed at him as they dragged me down the hall.

They locked me in a room.

"Where's my son?!" I sobbed, banging my slack fists on th door, all fight gone from my system.

I sat there, at the door, for I don't know how long when I heard someone speaking outside my window.

I stood, still shaking, and I walked slowly to the window. The window looked down upon the hospital cemetery.

The man who had taken my son away, was gently setting a small box into the hole. A box that would only fit a baby.

A priest was standing over the grave, reading from a book.

His words made no sense through the glass, but I knew he was praying for William.

I felt tears streaming down my face as the realization hit me. William, my son, was dead.

It was almost as if someone had taken a knife and made a gash, a menacing hole, where my heart used to be.

There was nothing. Nothing left for me here.

Charles, wherever he was, was still undoubtably looking for me. He needed to find me so he could kill me. Kill me for disobeying him.

Josephine, my dearest cousin and best friend, lived with her three darling children, and her loving husband. And no longer needed me.

My parents. Well, they didn't give a damn on whether I lived or died.

The sky was dark, and the Hospital was silent.

I opened the window and looked out at the emptiness. The nothingness.

There was a slight drop before I reached the ground, not a big drop, but enough that I could possibly hurt myself if I landed wrong.

I gathered the sheets and blankets from the closet and the beds and tied them together.

I needed to make haste. No doubt they would soon send someone to check on me.

I made the knots tight, and tied the handmade rope to the bedpost.

Carefully, ever so carefully, I lowered myself out the window and onto the ground.

I ran swiftly to the grave of my son.

There was no headstone, nothing there to even suggest that there was someone lying under the mound of freshly dug earth.

Frantically, I looked about, along the ground. I saw sticks lying a few feet away.

I crawled toward them, and collected two.

I swiftly undid the light yellow ribbon in my hair, and tied the sticks together. Creating a makeshift cross.

"There she is!" I heard a voice, and my head snapped to my window, which was still open.

I threw the cross onto his grave, as they began to climb my rope to catch me.

I ran.

I ran, my body screaming for release.

I didn't know if they were still following me, but I didn't really care.

I felt a drop of rain hit my nose, then, slowly, it began to sprinkle then, it began to pour.

I didn't mind. In fact, It was quite nice. The rain that pelted down on my body like minuscule bullets, were a sort of release.

I reached a hill, rocks.

I had always loved climbing. In fact, that was how I met Carlisle, was climbing a tree and breaking my leg.

Dear, dear Carlisle.

I pushed him out of my mind.

He was gone, he would never come back. Why would he? I have nothing to offer him. I am a broken, used woman, who is married to a bastard.

I climbed, my fingers bleeding.

Somewhere between the hospital room, and the rocks, I had lost my shoes, so my feet were bleeding as well. I didn't mind.

When I reached the top, lightning flashed through the sky, lighting the entire valley.

I stepped toward the edge of the cliff, almost eagerly. Then I stopped.

I stood, looking out into the black abyss. Is that what hell looked like? A dark emptiness?

No, Hell was where I lived. This was hell.

I had nothing left, absolutely nothing. Nothing left to live for.

Lightning ripped through the sky, a brief light lighting my path.

I hadn't realized how high up I was. The valley was so far below, that I could just pick out the single tree's and brush.

But it went dark again, as quickly as it had come.

A small laugh escaped my lips, as I shivered from the cold.

The light yellow dress I had worn was soaked with the frozen rain, making the bones of my body shake with cold.

I laughed again, and I put my hand over my mouth to smother the hysteria which seemed to bubble over.

I had tried. Tried so hard for so long to be strong, to be the person that would love and take care of her son. But now, that William was gone . . . It was all too much.

William had been the brief light in my eternal darkness, like the lighting that flashed across the sky, William had been my light, my life. But now, there was nothing but blackness.

I took another step toward my destination. It would soon be gone, all this misery, all the pain. I would be reunited with my son again. I would be happy again.

I closed my eyes, and felt the rain pelt my body with forcefulness, to the point of where it was painful. This was good, this pain. It slightly dulled the pain that was felt inside, and I smiled as the ferocious winds, and the violent rains pounded on my face. Pushing my physical body to its limits.

A violent gust of wind, sent me to my knees, where I just kneeled, continuing to feel the rain. My mind screamed at me, telling me all the things that I was. I was inadequate, I was unable, I was a whore, I was an ungrateful wench.

All, which was true.

I felt the sobs come, great sobs which wracked my body, more painful than the rain itself.

I grabbed my hair in my hands, pulling hard. I needed the pain, I needed it. The physical pain. A scream left my lips, a throaty cry of agony and despair.

He was gone, William was gone.

This nightmare was never going to end. The love stories, the fairy tales, the books I adored when I was a child; there was going to be no happy ending in this story.

I took a shaking breath, to calm myself. The gaping hole in my chest was too much to take. I couldn't stand it any longer.

I stood.

Everyone had always told me what was right, what was wrong. They told me what to do, and I was never able to do as I wanted. I would defy them all. I would prove that I was woman enough to make a decision of my own. My final decision.

I smiled, I would defy them all.

Without a second thought, I took a final step.

Falling.

Wind rushed past me, slowly, it felt as if I was falling slowly. Almost as if I was floating.

Falling.

Down into the black that had for so long darkened my life.

Falling.

I would finally get the release that my whole existence, my whole heart, had been longing for.

My body hit something.

Again, and again, my body was being ripped to pieces. It was being torn apart.

The tumbling stopped. The falling stopped.

No longer did I ever need to worry about anything ever again. It was over. I was dead.

**_Reviews are loved. Isaella LOVES reviews!!_**

**_-Karen (Isaella's Sister)_**


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